To : You. You know who you are.
Thanks for telling my friend that you thought you were lucky when you're not with me. I mean , I feel the same to! If you think that you're lucky by being not with me at this current point in time , then I guess I must be the MOST blessed man on earth! Being with you was always about you , you and still you. Now without you , I understand what is friendship.
And looking at things in a wider perspective , I guess I've come to realise that the paranoid one isn't me. It has been you. Just that you have been mutilating me into beliving it was myself. Hah.. I'm so free these days. I don't have to rush out from one end of Singapore to the other end just to be waiting for a kazillion hours at the MRT station while you take your time to get ready.
And hey , look at it this way. Would a person who loves you ask you not to go school , just so that you can stay home and accompany him/her to play games online ? Haha. Spoiling your own future. But it's very well alright. Because , I've learnt to count my blessings. And one of the biggest blessings I've ever had is , breaking up with you. Thanks.
Yours Sincerely ,
Me
Thanks for telling my friend that you thought you were lucky when you're not with me. I mean , I feel the same to! If you think that you're lucky by being not with me at this current point in time , then I guess I must be the MOST blessed man on earth! Being with you was always about you , you and still you. Now without you , I understand what is friendship.
And looking at things in a wider perspective , I guess I've come to realise that the paranoid one isn't me. It has been you. Just that you have been mutilating me into beliving it was myself. Hah.. I'm so free these days. I don't have to rush out from one end of Singapore to the other end just to be waiting for a kazillion hours at the MRT station while you take your time to get ready.
And hey , look at it this way. Would a person who loves you ask you not to go school , just so that you can stay home and accompany him/her to play games online ? Haha. Spoiling your own future. But it's very well alright. Because , I've learnt to count my blessings. And one of the biggest blessings I've ever had is , breaking up with you. Thanks.
Yours Sincerely ,
Me
[i released myself at 1:23:00 PM]
Ok.. This is so damn gay. Went for the School of Rock auditions today. The bands before us played some lousy music. Came to our turn. Everything was supposed to be ok. But got sabotaged by the sound technician. :/ . He on the guitars so fucking soft and all. Oh well... Disappointment. It just sucked. To know that they did not have professionals doing the sound. Did not do as promised. Their so called 5 minutes set up and 3 minutes per song. We didn't even know that there was this 3 minutes per song until we went there ?
Is it really that difficult to make a set of rules and stick by it ? Like if you said 3 minutes from the start. Then fucking give us 3 minutes. If you said 5 minutes set up , can't you let us do our sound check without interupting ? Ok.. I guess I'm just pissed off and all.. But well.. What's over is over.
Is it really that difficult to make a set of rules and stick by it ? Like if you said 3 minutes from the start. Then fucking give us 3 minutes. If you said 5 minutes set up , can't you let us do our sound check without interupting ? Ok.. I guess I'm just pissed off and all.. But well.. What's over is over.
[i released myself at 5:25:00 PM]
Wah.. Been a very long time sinced I blogged again. Been pretty busy with work. Not busy as in what. Just spending alot of time here. So got no time to update. Haha...So far I guess things has been going on pretty alright. I mean , no time to think of anything. No time to think of suicidal stuff. So it should have been going on pretty alright.
Audition's on Sunday. Kinda scared now. ahaha. But I guess , we'll just go in and do our best. I guess I don't feel like blogging much today. =/. Guess i'll make a move now. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee
Audition's on Sunday. Kinda scared now. ahaha. But I guess , we'll just go in and do our best. I guess I don't feel like blogging much today. =/. Guess i'll make a move now. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee
[i released myself at 12:25:00 PM]
| Your dating personality profile: Romantic - You know exactly how to melt your date's heart. Romance comes naturally to you and is an important component of any relationship you have. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters. | |
Your Top Ten Traits 1. Romantic 2. Big-Hearted 3. Practical 4. Liberal 5. Adventurous 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Funny 8. Shy 9. Sensual 10. Athletic |
Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions
[i released myself at 1:14:00 PM]
I haven't blogged in quite a number of days. I got home pretty late everyday and have been very lazy/tired to blog. Anyway , It's Wednesday and I've no money left till what ? Next friday. That's more then a week! What the fuck man! Anyways , Don't worry girl. I've gotten your hints. It's alright. :)
Why settle for something less when you have the better one right in your face right.. Life goes on... Sighs. I could do with abit of money right now. Abit of money and abit of love. Yes. I'm love sick again. Ahaha.
Maybe I'm just sick in the head. Making the whole world sick. I don't know. I don't have the mood to blog any more. I'm sorry faithful readers. :/
Bye for now.
Why settle for something less when you have the better one right in your face right.. Life goes on... Sighs. I could do with abit of money right now. Abit of money and abit of love. Yes. I'm love sick again. Ahaha.
Maybe I'm just sick in the head. Making the whole world sick. I don't know. I don't have the mood to blog any more. I'm sorry faithful readers. :/
Bye for now.
[i released myself at 1:59:00 AM]
I am so fucking wasted. Woked up at 3 or so. Was smsing and lazing in bed while waiting for dad to come home and pass me my allowance. But oh. It was already on the table and yours truly didn't know till I called my dad. How lame.
Anyway , left the house pretty late. Like 5.45 or so. Jamming was at 6. No choice , had to cab down to town for jamming.Jamming I guess was pretty alright. After that was supposed to meet my cousin at Cineleisure to go watch street fest. But no! That bitch had to sleep till 11+. What the hell man! Lol. Overall the gig was amazing.
After that was off to Newton for food.. Well , I shared with some other people $5 carrot cake and had myself a bottle of beer. Yes. Before that I have been drinking. Even before jamming. This is so gay. Lol. Came home , brought JD down to study corner and off we go for round 2. Finished slightly less than 1/2 the bottle solo. Weeee
So Let's see how much alcohol I drank today :
2 Bottles and 1 can before jamming
2 Cans during/after street fest
1 Bottle at Newton
slightly less than 1/2 a bottle of JD.
What's the moral of the story ? Emo drinking is no good. I never spent this much. Even though I've been living for the moment. What the fuck man. Left $40+. So please remind me to keep my money at home espiecally when I'm fucking emo. But no. Don't worry. I dun regret spending my money on all that alcohol. And yes, I'm feeling like fuck now. Off to bathe then sleep. Night people.
Anyway , left the house pretty late. Like 5.45 or so. Jamming was at 6. No choice , had to cab down to town for jamming.Jamming I guess was pretty alright. After that was supposed to meet my cousin at Cineleisure to go watch street fest. But no! That bitch had to sleep till 11+. What the hell man! Lol. Overall the gig was amazing.
After that was off to Newton for food.. Well , I shared with some other people $5 carrot cake and had myself a bottle of beer. Yes. Before that I have been drinking. Even before jamming. This is so gay. Lol. Came home , brought JD down to study corner and off we go for round 2. Finished slightly less than 1/2 the bottle solo. Weeee
So Let's see how much alcohol I drank today :
2 Bottles and 1 can before jamming
2 Cans during/after street fest
1 Bottle at Newton
slightly less than 1/2 a bottle of JD.
What's the moral of the story ? Emo drinking is no good. I never spent this much. Even though I've been living for the moment. What the fuck man. Left $40+. So please remind me to keep my money at home espiecally when I'm fucking emo. But no. Don't worry. I dun regret spending my money on all that alcohol. And yes, I'm feeling like fuck now. Off to bathe then sleep. Night people.
[i released myself at 2:50:00 AM]
Emo emo emo. This 3 letters has been filling my life up for the past few days. What's the point in living when living itself is so painful. Untold words. Happy without the words I should never know. But well , word of mouth allowed these words to come to me. Yes. These are things of the past and all. But well , I happen to think of it and obviously it spoilt my fucking mood.
Today , went down to Bugis. Well , I guess time spent there could be spent more productively on the keyboards. Learning stream of conciousness. After that , came home for like 10 - 15 minutes. Then out of the house I went. Off to Boons to meet Matthias , while waiting for the rest of Crossbred to arrive. Reached home at around 10.30 and talked to her online. Guess she was pissed at something ( hopefully not me who pissed her off ) . Went offline abruptly. Sighs.. Hopefully things will go right for her soon enough. :)
Dota-ed after that. First game was like fuck. Second was much better but cus dc-ed and so did the rest. Stopped and yup. I think I'm going to sleep soon. Just abit more of music and stuff. I guess I'd rather love someone in silence than to make my feelings known. Fear of rejection ? Maybe. Guys Ego ? Definately not. But well... Life still has to go on. Like Leon's email says it all. Life's a bitch , Then you die . Totally agree on that man. Signing off for now. -Nights-
Today , went down to Bugis. Well , I guess time spent there could be spent more productively on the keyboards. Learning stream of conciousness. After that , came home for like 10 - 15 minutes. Then out of the house I went. Off to Boons to meet Matthias , while waiting for the rest of Crossbred to arrive. Reached home at around 10.30 and talked to her online. Guess she was pissed at something ( hopefully not me who pissed her off ) . Went offline abruptly. Sighs.. Hopefully things will go right for her soon enough. :)
Dota-ed after that. First game was like fuck. Second was much better but cus dc-ed and so did the rest. Stopped and yup. I think I'm going to sleep soon. Just abit more of music and stuff. I guess I'd rather love someone in silence than to make my feelings known. Fear of rejection ? Maybe. Guys Ego ? Definately not. But well... Life still has to go on. Like Leon's email says it all. Life's a bitch , Then you die . Totally agree on that man. Signing off for now. -Nights-
[i released myself at 3:04:00 AM]
Today = hardcore keyboard day. Until like 5+ then mum reminded me I had class. WTF . I fucking forgot about my class! I didn't go last week also la. That is so what the fuck man. After class , came home. Lots of thoughts in my mind. Suicidal thoughts ? Might be. I don't care. Really.
This life has been plagued with too much trouble to be even called a life. Imagine you bringing so much pain into your family. Would you still consider yourself part of them ? If you do , where is your feeling called GUILT ?! I guess , if I really did perish or whatsoever without leaving a dumb suicide note , no one would realise. Maybe only my parents. And that's just because I ain't home. Sighs.. Things been changing rapidly since the very first day. Yes. I know , everyday in my head it's either her , suicide or keyboard. I don't know much do I ? What do I know ? What am I good for ? The answers ? Nothing. But well , so many things are unpredictable and people do change right ? So yeah. I guess , I've been changing. Don't ask why. I don't know either. But I just can't tell myself she's changed right ?
Hmm... Let's see... The day I die , will be the day my handphone remains off. So no one can get through , and they'll just stop calling thinking that my handphone probably has no battery! Hmm.. Or perhaps , I could leave my handphone at home when I go out. So when my parents come home and call my hp , they will realise that it's at home and no point calling!
The reason why I planned all this , is just so after everything is planned , I can die without having my parents to worry for one night at least... Ok. Just forget me. I'm just losing sanity. Any better suggestions ? Thoxay@Gmail.com is open for suggestions. So long and good night ? Ahaha. Anything call/sms. Bye.
This life has been plagued with too much trouble to be even called a life. Imagine you bringing so much pain into your family. Would you still consider yourself part of them ? If you do , where is your feeling called GUILT ?! I guess , if I really did perish or whatsoever without leaving a dumb suicide note , no one would realise. Maybe only my parents. And that's just because I ain't home. Sighs.. Things been changing rapidly since the very first day. Yes. I know , everyday in my head it's either her , suicide or keyboard. I don't know much do I ? What do I know ? What am I good for ? The answers ? Nothing. But well , so many things are unpredictable and people do change right ? So yeah. I guess , I've been changing. Don't ask why. I don't know either. But I just can't tell myself she's changed right ?
Hmm... Let's see... The day I die , will be the day my handphone remains off. So no one can get through , and they'll just stop calling thinking that my handphone probably has no battery! Hmm.. Or perhaps , I could leave my handphone at home when I go out. So when my parents come home and call my hp , they will realise that it's at home and no point calling!
The reason why I planned all this , is just so after everything is planned , I can die without having my parents to worry for one night at least... Ok. Just forget me. I'm just losing sanity. Any better suggestions ? Thoxay@Gmail.com is open for suggestions. So long and good night ? Ahaha. Anything call/sms. Bye.
[i released myself at 12:18:00 AM]
Woke up today at 7.30 to go for my medical appointment. And well , I slept at like 4+ 5+ the day before ? But well , wasn't really tired. Saw the doctor , took medication and back home I was. Lazed around reading a book and fell asleep. Oh wow. So much for not being tired. ahaha. Then at around 4+ off to meet Matthias and band for jamming. Last minute session before Street Fest. After jamming went to eat at MacPherson.
Took the North East Line down to town. Made our way to Youth Park and slacked there for abit. The competition started and wow.. All the bands were great. Lots of great keyboardist there. Kena burn non stop la! Lol. Nvm. Soon! I'll be playing Stream Of Conciouness solo already! Anyway , Congrats to the 6 Finalist and Crossbred for making it through without a vocalist. Lol.. Malahf Matthias lost his wallet yesterday. Nooooooob.
I think I'll stop dotaing for a few weeks/months. Very inspired to get back the techniques on keys. Weeeeeeeee... Till then, byeeeeeeee
Took the North East Line down to town. Made our way to Youth Park and slacked there for abit. The competition started and wow.. All the bands were great. Lots of great keyboardist there. Kena burn non stop la! Lol. Nvm. Soon! I'll be playing Stream Of Conciouness solo already! Anyway , Congrats to the 6 Finalist and Crossbred for making it through without a vocalist. Lol.. Malahf Matthias lost his wallet yesterday. Nooooooob.
I think I'll stop dotaing for a few weeks/months. Very inspired to get back the techniques on keys. Weeeeeeeee... Till then, byeeeeeeee
[i released myself at 12:46:00 AM]
I wish I could be..Every little thing you wanted.. All the time..My mum is so cute la..I asked her to teach me how to put eyeliner. She started shouting. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! FIRST PAINT UR NAILS THEN NOW PUT EYELINER! But she still put on for me la.. And well.. After that , she says I have pretty eyes and sexy nails! So cute right ?! LOL.. Woke up feeling fucking emo.. So I went online , found PD online. Asked for a round of Dota.. Half way through , Adi came over to my place. He also wanted to dota. So yeah.. He played one round. But he fucking sucked and died like damn fast . So the usual SORE LOSER ATTITUDE came about.
Went down to Boons watch Crossbred jam. Still wow. Everytime see them play also go wow! Then PD started calling saying he reached Adi's house already. So we went swimming at Adi's house. Then started doing stupid things and they came up with this name called Pretty boy fairy for me. Zzzz.. Thought can go to Adi's house hijack some food! BUT NO! He had to reject me! So lan lan. Came home , ate a bar of chocolate ( My last bit of money ) . Try to cure my emonses and fill my empty stomach.
Just talked to her on the phone and I guess I bored her to sleep. Now she's asleep. Sleep tight girl! Gotta wake up like at 7.45 and reach the fucking hospital at what ? 8.30am tomorrow morning ?! After that should be home for a short nap and off to meet Matt at Boons again before his Street Fest competition. Sighs. Things aren't exactly going right. But well.. I'll just be ur guardian angel. I'll try to take care of you if it's within my means. :). Good night for now.
Went down to Boons watch Crossbred jam. Still wow. Everytime see them play also go wow! Then PD started calling saying he reached Adi's house already. So we went swimming at Adi's house. Then started doing stupid things and they came up with this name called Pretty boy fairy for me. Zzzz.. Thought can go to Adi's house hijack some food! BUT NO! He had to reject me! So lan lan. Came home , ate a bar of chocolate ( My last bit of money ) . Try to cure my emonses and fill my empty stomach.
Just talked to her on the phone and I guess I bored her to sleep. Now she's asleep. Sleep tight girl! Gotta wake up like at 7.45 and reach the fucking hospital at what ? 8.30am tomorrow morning ?! After that should be home for a short nap and off to meet Matt at Boons again before his Street Fest competition. Sighs. Things aren't exactly going right. But well.. I'll just be ur guardian angel. I'll try to take care of you if it's within my means. :). Good night for now.
[i released myself at 3:00:00 AM]
Today's nonsense session didn't turn out so well :( . Except for the part we had beers. Lol.. Anywa y, I met them at Hougang green and can u fucking believe it ? They started even before I reached la. I just said "Can I not take so many bus ? Ez-Link card no money" that was enough to crack them up before I reached la. -_-"
So after that decided that we were all hungry . So off to Bryan's house we went. His mum cooked us some wonderful dishes with rice. Enough for a bunch of 4 hungry people. And before that , a fucking joke went wrong la. And now they have been disturbing me all the way since we left Bryan's house. THANKS LA LAURA!
Sighs.. Now the whole world is going to know about it. Hopefully it just won't get to her. It's going to feel so awkward. And I can't stand awkward situations. I'll prolly fuck things up as usual. Overall , I guess it was kind of a bad mistake to meet them today. Argh. I just hate the way things are. I would've like it just the way they were in the beginning. No one knew about anything.
Oh but well.. I can't turn back the hands of time and I've only myself to blame. Anyway , Thank God for such a nice brother I have la. He rushed home from East Coast just to get a helmet to pick me up can. Weeeee...
So after that decided that we were all hungry . So off to Bryan's house we went. His mum cooked us some wonderful dishes with rice. Enough for a bunch of 4 hungry people. And before that , a fucking joke went wrong la. And now they have been disturbing me all the way since we left Bryan's house. THANKS LA LAURA!
Sighs.. Now the whole world is going to know about it. Hopefully it just won't get to her. It's going to feel so awkward. And I can't stand awkward situations. I'll prolly fuck things up as usual. Overall , I guess it was kind of a bad mistake to meet them today. Argh. I just hate the way things are. I would've like it just the way they were in the beginning. No one knew about anything.
Oh but well.. I can't turn back the hands of time and I've only myself to blame. Anyway , Thank God for such a nice brother I have la. He rushed home from East Coast just to get a helmet to pick me up can. Weeeee...
[i released myself at 1:02:00 AM]
Today has been an emo day so far. Woke up at 3+ only to find no calls or smses. Which meant , I'm going to be alone again. So basically , last night after coming home from Adi's house , started thinking about what I heard. Got emo again. Took my dad's liquor and went downstairs to drink alone. As my friends will know , they all don't let me drink alone. Why ? Because I don't know limits when I drink alone.
Got pretty wasted by the time my brother came to ask me up. Woke up with the usual hangover from hell. Couldn't even stand straight. Talked to her for abit online and the mood swings came again. She was going out so again I had nobody to talk to online. Anyway , I decided to nap. Wasn't such a great nap after being awaken by my dad to eat dinner. Off to bathe and meet Matthias at Hougang. Nonsense session is coming up real soon. Hopefully it's going to make my day a better one.
Things aren't going so right for me at this point in my life. Ah well.. It hasn't been going right for me for quite awhile. Loads of problems. But the contradicting statement is that , most of this problems I'm going through are self brought upon. Sighs. I'm missing her :( Hopefully that stupid sms I sent won't affect the way things are.
Might update later again on the nonsense session. If I don't get wasted for the 5th night. This time is a record. Totally wasted for four nights in a row. Wow.Beat that.
Got pretty wasted by the time my brother came to ask me up. Woke up with the usual hangover from hell. Couldn't even stand straight. Talked to her for abit online and the mood swings came again. She was going out so again I had nobody to talk to online. Anyway , I decided to nap. Wasn't such a great nap after being awaken by my dad to eat dinner. Off to bathe and meet Matthias at Hougang. Nonsense session is coming up real soon. Hopefully it's going to make my day a better one.
Things aren't going so right for me at this point in my life. Ah well.. It hasn't been going right for me for quite awhile. Loads of problems. But the contradicting statement is that , most of this problems I'm going through are self brought upon. Sighs. I'm missing her :( Hopefully that stupid sms I sent won't affect the way things are.
Might update later again on the nonsense session. If I don't get wasted for the 5th night. This time is a record. Totally wasted for four nights in a row. Wow.Beat that.
[i released myself at 7:34:00 PM]
As promised , here is the full updates of yesterday. Was awaken at 10.30+ by Chris who called to ask me send HZ's picture. So I was kinda pissed off and grumpy as usual. Then after sending , back to sleep almost instantly. And then , this fucker named Ezra had to wake me up to send him the picture. I mean WHAT THE FUCK MAN! Can't I even sleep ?! Lol.. But yeah. What to do ? Me being the nice guy just said yes , sent the photo and back to sleep.
Woke up , practiced abit on keys and off to meet the guys in town. So I was supposed to meet Adi , Alex and Joshua Lee at cine. Reached there , met Adi and called Alex only to find out he was at Taka. Another what the fuck situation. Got kinda pissed there. So don't care. We ate and took our time. LOL. Jamming sucked. Why you will ask. Because , I screwed Chapter 4 up. It's like supposed to be our best song by now and I fucking screwed up the solo. If Leon didn't tell me , I still happily playing. Sighs..
Night meant trouble. Went over to Laura's surprise birthday party. Went down in a cab with Alex and Joshua Lee. So I was kinda emo over somethings I heard the day before yesterday. So yes. I started drinking like a bitch. Got abused there by Matthias and gang. My cup was like 1/4 7 up and 3/4 Vodka and his cup is like the total opposite ?! So I got darn wasted. They're like.. Them:Selwyn want to eat Hot dog ?
Me: Yes
Them:Selwyn want to eat chicken wing ?
Me: Yes
Them:Selwyn want to eat crab stick ?
Me: Yes
What did I end up with ?! NOTHING. They fucking put chicken wing on my face! Lol. Abuse the drunk dude here. And I sent a fucking stupid sms la. Of all people , I sent it to her. In other words , I shot myself straight in the foot. Sighs.. Matthias and the rest of crossbred left at around 7 to send their friend off the airport. So I went to catch a quick nap. Gabriel woke me up by shaking me and obviously, as you can see I'm one that values my sleep , he got big time scolding from me. Sorry Gab :( . Followed Rei , Bradley and Ben's cab to Hougang. Ate breakfast and came home for round two of sleeping.
Asked my Dad to wake me up at 3 because I had jamming at 4. But what did he do ? He fuck care. He did his own things leaving me to wake up at 3.30 myself. And so , I was late for jamming. Today jamming didn't suck as bad as yesterday. The ground folds was amazing. After jamming , off to Adi's house to drink and swim. All impromptu. And now I'm home and almost reaching there.
PS: Note to self : Don't drink 3 nights in a row and get so fucking drunk because my liver has failed. And I've no money till the end of this week.Plus the fact that I sent that sms to her. Something I can NEVER forget. Sighs...
Woke up , practiced abit on keys and off to meet the guys in town. So I was supposed to meet Adi , Alex and Joshua Lee at cine. Reached there , met Adi and called Alex only to find out he was at Taka. Another what the fuck situation. Got kinda pissed there. So don't care. We ate and took our time. LOL. Jamming sucked. Why you will ask. Because , I screwed Chapter 4 up. It's like supposed to be our best song by now and I fucking screwed up the solo. If Leon didn't tell me , I still happily playing. Sighs..
Night meant trouble. Went over to Laura's surprise birthday party. Went down in a cab with Alex and Joshua Lee. So I was kinda emo over somethings I heard the day before yesterday. So yes. I started drinking like a bitch. Got abused there by Matthias and gang. My cup was like 1/4 7 up and 3/4 Vodka and his cup is like the total opposite ?! So I got darn wasted. They're like.. Them:Selwyn want to eat Hot dog ?
Me: Yes
Them:Selwyn want to eat chicken wing ?
Me: Yes
Them:Selwyn want to eat crab stick ?
Me: Yes
What did I end up with ?! NOTHING. They fucking put chicken wing on my face! Lol. Abuse the drunk dude here. And I sent a fucking stupid sms la. Of all people , I sent it to her. In other words , I shot myself straight in the foot. Sighs.. Matthias and the rest of crossbred left at around 7 to send their friend off the airport. So I went to catch a quick nap. Gabriel woke me up by shaking me and obviously, as you can see I'm one that values my sleep , he got big time scolding from me. Sorry Gab :( . Followed Rei , Bradley and Ben's cab to Hougang. Ate breakfast and came home for round two of sleeping.
Asked my Dad to wake me up at 3 because I had jamming at 4. But what did he do ? He fuck care. He did his own things leaving me to wake up at 3.30 myself. And so , I was late for jamming. Today jamming didn't suck as bad as yesterday. The ground folds was amazing. After jamming , off to Adi's house to drink and swim. All impromptu. And now I'm home and almost reaching there.
PS: Note to self : Don't drink 3 nights in a row and get so fucking drunk because my liver has failed. And I've no money till the end of this week.Plus the fact that I sent that sms to her. Something I can NEVER forget. Sighs...
[i released myself at 11:46:00 PM]
I had a dream. A very scary dream. It must have been over dramatic or something. What can I say ? I was under the influence of alcohol. I've been talking shit to my friends that I couldn't remember last night. But of all ways to wake up , I've to wake up crying to a dream. Everything in it felt so real. My world in the dream crumbled. And with the way my present life is in , it isn't helping at all. Not one bit.
Yesterday was supposed to meet Rei at 12+ after his school but he decided to be a part time friend and dua me till 4+. So I was literally rotting at home and playing on my keys. When I was leaving my house , I received an sms saying Hong Zheng's grand father has passed away and he might be able to go down. So I called Rei , picked him and Gabriel up and cabbed down to Sembawang. Saw HZ and he's no more the skinny bitch we used to know. He still can proudly tell me it's 5 months only. Still the same old cheeky self. According to him , if he studies hard inside , he can most probably come out by August 2006 . Which is like 18 months away. That's still long.
He could only spend an hour there. After he left , we left as well. Down to Hougang to eat with Rei and Gab. After that heard loads of things I would be much happier without hearing. So yes. I started drinking again. Drank then called up Iain and DC. Met up with them at Serangoon. Drink again. All seh again. I mean , what's new . It's not like I know my limits when I'm emo or something. I'll just put alcohol into my mouth drinknig it like it's water or something.
Came home , played on my keyboards and realised that I'm much more creative when I'm high. Dota-ed for abit and off to sleep. Woke up this morning to a dream that felt so real and realised that I've been crying in my dreams. I don't know. It just feels wrong. I think I should be trying to go back to sleep. I don't know. I'm just feeling pretty fucked up and once again , I don't see my point in living again. Not like I've been able to see my point of living for quite awhile. But this time is seriously just don't feel like living anymore. Ah... Back to bed I think. So long and good night.
Yesterday was supposed to meet Rei at 12+ after his school but he decided to be a part time friend and dua me till 4+. So I was literally rotting at home and playing on my keys. When I was leaving my house , I received an sms saying Hong Zheng's grand father has passed away and he might be able to go down. So I called Rei , picked him and Gabriel up and cabbed down to Sembawang. Saw HZ and he's no more the skinny bitch we used to know. He still can proudly tell me it's 5 months only. Still the same old cheeky self. According to him , if he studies hard inside , he can most probably come out by August 2006 . Which is like 18 months away. That's still long.
He could only spend an hour there. After he left , we left as well. Down to Hougang to eat with Rei and Gab. After that heard loads of things I would be much happier without hearing. So yes. I started drinking again. Drank then called up Iain and DC. Met up with them at Serangoon. Drink again. All seh again. I mean , what's new . It's not like I know my limits when I'm emo or something. I'll just put alcohol into my mouth drinknig it like it's water or something.
Came home , played on my keyboards and realised that I'm much more creative when I'm high. Dota-ed for abit and off to sleep. Woke up this morning to a dream that felt so real and realised that I've been crying in my dreams. I don't know. It just feels wrong. I think I should be trying to go back to sleep. I don't know. I'm just feeling pretty fucked up and once again , I don't see my point in living again. Not like I've been able to see my point of living for quite awhile. But this time is seriously just don't feel like living anymore. Ah... Back to bed I think. So long and good night.
[i released myself at 9:02:00 AM]
This post is dedicated to my beloved grandma who passed away on the 29th of May 2005 peacefully in her sleep.
I'm sorry for all the times I did not attend the family dinner because I just didn't want to. Though u might not be able to read this , I think by now you should know that how much our family is grieving. If you were around , I think you would be touched. Just go in peace. Don't worry too much about the family.You will always live in our hearts. I love you Po Po. :(
Things are happening to quickly for me to accept the facts. Just when things started to pick up , this had to happen. But well , hopefully she's gone to a better place. I'm off to catch up on my sleep now. Night people.
I'm sorry for all the times I did not attend the family dinner because I just didn't want to. Though u might not be able to read this , I think by now you should know that how much our family is grieving. If you were around , I think you would be touched. Just go in peace. Don't worry too much about the family.You will always live in our hearts. I love you Po Po. :(
Things are happening to quickly for me to accept the facts. Just when things started to pick up , this had to happen. But well , hopefully she's gone to a better place. I'm off to catch up on my sleep now. Night people.
[i released myself at 5:50:00 PM]
Ah.. Just reached home not long ago. Can't bathe though.. Dad came home and RAN straight into the toilet -.- . Wanted to bathe then sleep but yeah.. Since I can't bathe I must as well just blog. Been a very tiring week this week. Sighs. My grandma passed away on Saturday in hospital. So yeah.. Been very busy with the funeral stuff.
Tomorrow is the last day of the funeral and I've to reach there like before 7am to help in the prep for the rituals ? Dunno also la. I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing but well.. I'm kinda affected by her death but I'm just putting on a front to my friends that I'm okay. Hopefully what I'm doing is right. :/
It's been a very long time sinced I had proper time to talk to her online. Since I'm always home like in the middle of the night and she's asleep by then. I don't know what am I doing. I keep thinking of her. But well.. I doubt she feels the same. Aaha. Sighs..
I guess I'm back to my old emo kid self again. Everyday just drinking and music and sleep. Since I've got very little friends to go out with. Why not just drink and sleep. Right ? I'm going to bathe now then off to bed :/ .
-I'm mising you.
-But I doubt it makes a difference
Tomorrow is the last day of the funeral and I've to reach there like before 7am to help in the prep for the rituals ? Dunno also la. I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing but well.. I'm kinda affected by her death but I'm just putting on a front to my friends that I'm okay. Hopefully what I'm doing is right. :/
It's been a very long time sinced I had proper time to talk to her online. Since I'm always home like in the middle of the night and she's asleep by then. I don't know what am I doing. I keep thinking of her. But well.. I doubt she feels the same. Aaha. Sighs..
I guess I'm back to my old emo kid self again. Everyday just drinking and music and sleep. Since I've got very little friends to go out with. Why not just drink and sleep. Right ? I'm going to bathe now then off to bed :/ .
-I'm mising you.
-But I doubt it makes a difference
[i released myself at 3:12:00 AM] Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com