Ok.. Has been a happy day so far I guess ? My side project has made it into the finals for my school's band competition. So I would say that's good news but though it wasn't really unexpected. We expected to go in the next day after the auditions. We got really good comments from the judges and stuff. Haha.. At least we're getting somewhere ? Hmm... If only Half a mile could play and it wasn't some side project. I guess if all full bands could play and there wasn't any combined bands , the school would be up for a much better show.

Ah well.. At least we're in the finals . Hmm.. At Marina square now. Joshua took half day and here I am blogging. Well , I brought my books today and I'm expecting myself to do at least 1 or 2 chapters of physics. Maybe more.. We'll see how it goes. For now , I'm gone. :)

Have a great day and more.

Hmm.. Here I am at 11.30 still at Marina Square and it's a school day tomorrow. How what the fuck is this. Well , I can't really blame him can I ? Imagine your loved one doing time for something they didn't do. I wouldn't have the mood for work either.

So well.. School has been alright for now. Been attending school and most lessons already. Attended a maths test which was AFTER school today. Feel damn proud of myself. lol. I guess , the test was rather easy. But I wouldn't do well because of factors like not having enough time and careless mistakes. Those are such stupid factors to actually not do well.. Imagine knowing how to do the question but not having enough time for it. Lame right ?

Yawning away like a bitch. I guess I really need something to occupy me. I hate being emo. I start abusing anything / anyone I see. And people around me not going to like it. Imagine a drunk selwyn almost everyother day. Or a selwyn whining about hangovers. HAHA. Ok.. I'm going to clean the shop now to entertain myself.

Everyone is showing me attitude once agian. All because of me taking 15. Should I give a fuck ? I don't know. My life is already so pointless. There is no point in doing anything right now. I don't know myself. I'm getting depressed over I don't know what either.

I'm in a very depressing mood almost every other day. It wasn't so bad. Could it be me not taking my medication ? I don't even see the point in why I should be taking my so called medication. It's like what the fuck. It's supposed to help people who is see-ing things , hearing things , unable to control temper and all that bullshit. Like WHAT THE FUCK. Which of those do I have ? I think , this stupid medication is causing my mood swings.

Hur... I don't really care about anything anymore. Like my mother told me , Why do u want to care for others when you don't even care about yourself. After much thinking , I think it's quite true. I don't even care about my own well being , why should I care for others. Maybe , I just chose this path myself and now I'm all alone. Time heals all wounds ? My ass. By the time , time decides to heal a wound of yours , you'll probably just fall down and get another wound.

Sometimes , I just wish I was a lil boy all over again. You know ? Falling down and hurting your physical body is so much easier to take care of then an internal wound. It's hurting bad. Do you know how I feel ? No. Aparently not. I made a mistake taking 15 then going down to Third Place the other night. I couldn't even remember I said hi to so many people nor could I remember seeing people there. I didn't even know what happened. Ok. Nvm. Fuck me , Fuck my life and Fuck everything else. Hahahahahahahahaha

Much love ,
Thoxay

Hmmm.. Haven't been updating much. Don't know what is there to update about. My life is always the same. Either , a) School b) Band c) Marina Square d) Home. It's that simple. Been having alot of mood swings recently. Like , I'll just get so easily irritated and stuff. Maybe it's just the after effect of trying to quit popping pills.

I need to go to the doctor's in a months time. I was supposed to keep this so called "Mood Diary" . Shows her my mood and stuff. But , I don't see the point and thus , I haven't kept a log of my mood. Haha. Stupid lil bitch. My life isn't exactly going very well right now. I get lost in my own world every other day. I'm oblivious to things happening around me. I don't give a fuck , or rather , I choose not to give a fuck anymore.

Why should I be so nice to people when at the end of the day , I'm just going to get taken advantaged of. Isn't it unfair for me ? If this is the case , why should I even be nice to anyone. I hate everything. So please. Leave me alone. I'll snap at you if you really piss me off. I don't have time to entertain your attitude.

Emo , Emo , Emo. Hate mood swings.

What's wrong with me ? I don't think there's anything wrong. But friends around me have been telling me that I need a serious load of anti-depressants. I just feel wrong. I feel , there's no point in my existance.

I know , that alot of people will tell me that , they too feel the same way as I do . But do you people know how I realy feel ? No you don't. Chinese O level Oral tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who has been reminding me about it. Even to my form teacher who called me to remind me. Touching...

I seriously need to start studying by the end of this week. I want to go into a JC. I need to go into a JC. I don't want my future wife/kids to suffer. They must have everything that they want. Spoil them ? I don't care. It's just a must to give them the best they should get.

Can't even remember when I'm supposed to go to the stupid doctor. The next time I'm there , I think I'll just get more anti-depressants.Might help. Any idea if it has any side effects ?For now , I guess it's a good bye.

Haunting memories.
Want to cry but 'm at work.
Feel like talking to someone.
No one to talk to.
Feel like dying.
Too many things I don't want to leave.
Missing you.
Knowing it's an infatuation.
Not helping with you avoiding me.
Friends' breaking up affecting me subconciously.

Simple enough ? I'm sick of my life. I can't stand life any longer. It's just sick . People enjoy seeing you in a horrid mood. They'll do anything to see it. No ? I don't know either.

Ok.. Haven't been blogging for quite awhile already. So , let's see.. What have I been up to ? Nothing much . besides just being high everyday from Wednesday till today ? Excessive pill popping has been taking place in my life.

Maybe , if my life isn't the way it is , I wouldn't have gone back to abusing it. Maybe this and maybe that. But things are the way it is. And I don't know what I can say. Loads of unspoken words but anger and scars of self inflicted pain shown on me. I love pain. Pain for pleasure.

Waking up everyday isn't a chore anymore. I don't need to know what I have to do or do according to my plan. Just get high. Like I always tell others , No point saving money . You save a million dollars but die when you reached your goal , what's the point ? I had this dream of you and me, but I woke up alone. With no one by myside. Imagine my loneliness. The pain I felt. But well , I can't blame you can I ? You love him and he loves you. That's simple. But Selwyn had to complicate things. Aww... What an asshole he is.

I seriously can't wait for death. At least , for this moment in time now. I just don't want to face all these alone. Including you ignoring me.

Hmms... Been giving it some thought for quite sometime already. Anyway , the day I die , my funeral must be/have

a) Christian funeral (Though I'm not a christian)
b) No ah bengs
c) My loved ones
d) Lots of drinks and food for everyone
e) A band and a good keyboardist playing "November Rain"

Will add on if I think of more. :)

Ok.. The last post was posted when I was crazy. So let's see.. To start it off , I was sleeping on the stairs for the whole of last night. My mother woke me up to go to the hospital . Reached there at 8.10 and my appointment is like at 8. So I was late.. Actually nothing new for me right ? Haha.. Always late.

After hospital , back home. Met Chris and Ezra at Potong pasir MRT. -Forgot this whole part.- *fast forward* Awoken and saw Jamie at Marina Square. And everyone showing the dulan face . : / . Maybe I just didn't know my limits again. As usual. The same old me. Not knowing when to stop anything. Blurt out somethings to everyone there. Now keep trying to remember what else I said. Getting damn pek chek alr.

Received a call at 6+ from Ah lee asking me to cover for the rest of day. So , here I am in the shop , blogging away at 8.45 waiting for Jamie to call and for 12 to close the shop. ahahaha. Ok.. I guess , it's bye for now . : / . Update again later if I'm too bored.

-Broken me-
-Stabbed by a sword-

To : You. The sweet little thing!

Though I know you won't or shoulndn' t even be reading this blog. Don't come closer. I can't even define love and like now. If you ever managed to find out what i sai yesterday, Just take it that i was high and spouting nonsense.

Excited while waiting for your call after your dinner . but hopefully i don't spount nonsense again later, ahahaha. Ok

Let me end with one hardcore phrase , : Yes,.I like her. Got feelings for her. So what ? Go already also tai ji liao liao"