Sighs... If any of you who were there supporting us at the Teachers Day performance , sorry for the fucking screw ups and not checking before the thing started. Anyway , I guess it was an accidental sabotage. Because , I remember not tuning to DC and guys yesterday but it sounded okay. Today , sounded like fuck!

Oh well , the teachers said it was great . More likely just to keep us happy. Or maybe if they really think we did great , we know ourself it wasn't that great. Anyway , it wasn't a software problem nor the pitch bend. It was just some assholes who fiddled with it changed the settings to one key higher. Could we do it again :(

Lessons of today , always sound check and fucking check your instruments for bored fucks who would sabotage you. :/. Gah! Not feeling too good now. Sorry again for everything and thanks to those who supported and stayed on though the sun was hot and there were technical difficulties! To any teachers who are reading this , Happy Teachers Day. You need not be a school teacher to be a teacher you know ? Sighs...

Doing things that one isn't supposed to be doing is wrong. How contradicting is that sentence. Lol. I can't remember where I got that from but ah well. Who cares. Rehearsal for Teachers Day didn't do too well . *ahem* didn't learn the songs and thus , we had either no vocals or only someone humming to the tune :/.

Anyway , I don't know what to play for This love. Oh my fucking god. Haha. Was told to play sustain chords behind , but I guess I shall just play by feel. Not the circus rift as DC would call it. -_-..Another rehearsal cum sound check again tomorrow. But anyways , we'll still sound check on the day itself. So what the fuck. Hah.. There was this don't know what kind of fucked up band who were rehearsing before us. They were like so fucking selfish. -_- . They wouldn't even lend us the amps when they were fucking using OUR amps and Cymbals. What a bitch they are. They wanna play fucker , we'll play fuckers. I'm going to ask the rest not to lend them the amps on the actual day it self. Hah! BITCH ass mother fuckers.

Now that you sense my hatred , you guys better watch your backs. You won't know when I'm fucking going to kill you. Hah! Why won't you fucking lend the amps ? Afraid of a better band than yours ? Stick to playing your Christian music , No one would criticize that. But a fucking Christian being so selfish , can you still call yourself a Christian ? So much for loving your neighbours. Hah! Anyway , good try to team SAS . Don't really know the outcome but somehow know they lost. Nice try! :D

Ok.. It's time I did some updating. Hmm... Guessed I fucked up pretty bad on my prelims. :/. Sighs. I think I wrote like totally out of point for the english compo. But I think I should be able to pass my social studies for like the second time this year. I'm keeping my hopes high. Jamming with the side projcet on Thursday was pretty screwed. Everyone just knew abit of everything.

Monday is like tomorrow and we're having the "auditions" to play on Teacher's Day like tomorrow. Sigh. I thought I could have a self - declared holiday. Anyway , if Alex is reading this , which I doubt he would be la. "Thanks la girl. You call me everyday to practice for stream then you don't learn. You really the best la.You know we all appreciate it alot right ? :)"

I'm so broke :( . But since it's like the 28th of August , I can smell the pay coming in 3 days time ? Heh! Yeah! Darling.. I had this dream of you and I . But guess what ? I woke up to the dream alone. Having nothing more then pillows and blankets next to me. Hah! Ok .. I guess it's enough of updating. All I know is that , I haven't been feeling down and I think it's good.

Oh fuck. I just wasted off 3 fucking hours. I was supposed to be either studying or practising on the keyboard. But while waiting for my fucking dinner that my dad promised since 7+ , I fell asleep! How great. I could've mastered This Love or something by now. Argh

Prelims is like already tomorrow. Everything is in such a hurry now. Wednesday and Thursday have prelims. And we're jamming on Thursday after prelims. Which leaves me to 9 hours of studying 4 chapters of social studies PLUS practicing. (That is considering the fact if I sleep at 11 and don't do anything besides studying) It isn't fucking enough. Argh. I'll guess I'll do what I always do. Just spot questions and fuck it. Practice is more important. hahahaha

I guess , I'm off to fiddle with my keyboard for now. Anything , call/sms/msn me. :D.

Ok . So , I was at the edge of the building. Contemplating to jump or not. Hah. Stupid emotions got the better of me. I don't know. This fucking anti - depressants are like useless. I still so fucking down even when I'm on it. Sighs.

Went late to school today again. Hah. About 9+ I think. How fast does time fly when you're having fun. Hur.. It's like already August . And I can still remember the first few months of Sec 5. Didn't do much in school today. Had the usual "circle" talk in most periods or didn't even attend lessons. Oh and I fucking paid $30 for 2 fucking broken panels of glass. Hah. They were playing some brutal death shit in class. Kicking the soccer ball at each other. I was pretty much innocent till the ball came near me. I just fucking kicked it. And "piang" goes the glass. :( . Stupid chairman had to go report all. Off to the office I went. $15 per panel and I broke 2 . Makes that $30. I could've done something more productive with the $30 you know ? Like 3 packs of cigarettes. ARGH! Let's hope my class mates pay me back some. :)

Hmm.. After school was off to Toa Payoh to celebrate Harrison's birthday. There was a whole load of people there. haha. Had fun teasing each other and stuff. Oh yes. This side project has another side project. Decided on four songs to do on Teachers Day already.
-Maroon 5 - This Love
-Mr Big - To be with you
-Eagles - Hotel California
-GnR - Sweet Child (wtf) ?! lol
GnR in my personal opinion is a very overplayed and over rated band. :/. Since the rest wants to do it , just do la . Wth. I guess it's time for some studying and then out comes the keyboard. :D .

Since I'm an irriating person to everyone , who not happy with me , tell me. We'll find away to settle. She should be sleeping now. Won't reiceive all my messages till tomorrow.. It's either that or she just plaint ain't replying. If she is , I think I shouldn't be clinging on to anyhopes at all. No matter how much I love her. We'll never be togethr

Fuck this anti - depresstns allfuckers. Useless I'mstill filling fucking down. I broke my proimise to her . I said I'll take care of her till she dies but I think I'll die tomorrow. I think i'm going to sleep already

My heart is always with you. Though it will never happen , I love you baby... I swear I do. Don't choose me.Choose someone who really makes you happy. Since youwon't even answer my phone ad hear my last I love you , Everything is wrong already

That bitch can cut 55 cuts on the hand , I'll fucking cut 56
If he cuts anymore I chop off my hand for you. Ok ?

They said it would never happen. We would never cross the border......... - Slipknot . Ahaha. I think , I still can't get over the fact that I was there ! Stuck here at work again. I have been waiting for your messages. Your calls. I ended up with nothing but a great deal of disappointment.

I was reading on Soft.com.sg and there was this post about which are the top 5 bands that you would like to see in Singapore. I guess it's a really hard choice here. Hahaha.. Anyway , the Top 3 would definately be Dream Theatre , Liquid Tension Experiment and Slipknot. Hey wait ! Didn't Slipknot just have a concert a few days ago ? Ah. It's the same. They can always play again!

Anyway , we're like family. We'll look out for each other. Afterall , families do take care of each other right ?! Stuck here till 3 tonight. Alone in the shop. Starting to feel this whole loneliness consuming me again. :/ . Went to see the doctor today , got my dose of anti - depressants . Haven't took them yet. I guess I should start taking them tomorrow. If not , I'll end up killing myself. You know , how it always is a bitch to be feeling down and stuff. Nevermind. I'll just sit here and wait for you. ilu.

Second post for tonight shall just be links.

http://www.getreadytorock.com/rock_stars/jordan_rudess.htm <<< Interview with my idol. Jordan Rudess

Oh yes.. I went to Slipknot's concert on tueday and I'm not going to tell you how great of a show you've missed cause I supposed you should've heard it by now how fucking great it was. And if you didn't go , too bad for you! Hahahaha. 20 packs of cigarettes or Slipknot , I guess many people who went would've chosen Slipknot again. Yes it was that fucking good.

Went down to Senai today to lepak with the same few. Hmmm.. Since Leon already said something about not jamming till after O's , I guess I should be looking for a side project. Maybe doing some C.o.B songs with Ostygius for now.

Yes , I have oral tomorrow and GOD it's so fucking boring! It's on a friday. Can you imagine what time I have to stay till ?! WHAT THE FUCK! Argh. I guess it's all part and parcel of school life. After much thought , we agreed that girlfriends should be there only when we need them and not too clingy and being lichy and stuff. You know how irritating it gets. Hahahahaha. Insensitive statement there. But yeah. I don't really care. At least , not when I don't have a girlfriend. ;)

Heh. That's my dog. Don't you think she's too cute to be true ? There's much sweeter things in life than to be getting emo over everything. Being a dog and able to sleep your life away while getting pampered . Isn't that great ? I want to be a dog!

I swear I can't work in this customer service line. I need a more behind the scenes job. Quarreling with customers has like become part of the job. I can't stand it espiecally when customers slam their fucking IC and act like their the boss here. Hah. Then you get fucking customers who change comps every 5 minutes. Then again , you get fuckers telling you the computer got problem when it's just their pure stupidity. Argh.. This is getting irritating. And what's making it worst is that I'm sick!

How sick am I ? Using half a box of tissue within 5 hours of work. Is that sick enough ? I'm starting to get hungry already. Threw away my packet of food just now cause I didn't feel like eating. Ahahaha. Stupid...Sighs
I guess I'm an emotional wreck all over again. :(

Don't ask why. I don't know myself. Maybe I do but won't say. I have no idea. :(

I just arrived at work not long ago. And I had the worst fucking cab ride ever. If you ever see a cab with plate number SHC1962G , don't board the fucking cab. He took such a fucking long way and was driving so fucking slowly. When I say slow , I mean like 30km/h . Dude , If I wasn't in a fucking rush , would I be taking a fucking cab ? Here you are driving so fucking slow , choosing such a fucking long route. The cab fare was $7.80 . When my normal cab fare is like $6+. That $2 won't save me from any starvation spells or anything. But the reason I'm so fucking pissed is because his cab was so fucking slow and bumpy. Argh.

I'm starting to feel like a machine already. Working till 3 last night and opening at 11 in the morning. Has happened quite a few times already. I think , sleep isn't that important to me already. Now that I'm sick and I can't even get enough rest , is making me feel quite fucked up . I don't know how we're going to settle this but Chris has to take off tomorrow because of his O levels oral but I can't cover for him. I've got my prize presentation and maths exam tomorrow. I guess we'll see how it all goes tonight.

My eyes are tearing already. Hah. No , I'm not emo. I'm just feeling like fuck. And it's tearing on it's own. I think it's cause of the fever or cough. Won't be seeing a doctor unless I have got high fever. Don't want to spend this unnecessary money. I'll probably get more scolding only. And since I haven't been taking money , I've been rather broke. Pay day is tomorrow. How great is that ? :)

Sighs. I'm feeling like fuck now. Having a very bad flu , cough and fever. I have no mood to do anythiing but I have to work till 3 tonight. I'm a sad boy now. :( . And no one is buying the damn fucking zippo. I promised my mum I'll sell them for her. How ? What do I do now.!

Yesterday , couldn't remember what I did most of the time . Except that I was pretty bored + hungry and Mich brought some cookies for me! Thanks! Cas , Leon and Josh came down. Pretty much "slacking" around. Don't really remember what I did. Haha..

:/ Bored. Don't love me . Cause it won't bring you any hapiness. It has already been proven by HER that being with me , she wasn't happy. That is why she chose to leave. So , if that is going to happen , let's just save everyone from the heart breaking and remain as very good friends. Keep it that simple. I guess it should be easier. I have no idea. Because I know I'm not ready for you.

Went late to school today at like 9.30. Loads of nagging from mum caused I told her I'd be there on time. Oh well... Situations do change right ? I never really bothered what others have been telling me since I don't really care any more.

School was the usual... Talking about music , Sleeping and nothing else. I don't understand why am I even going to school. After reading an interview with A7X makes me feel like qutting school right this very moment.. What have they taught me , If you think it's right and everyone else thinks it's wrong , just do it. Live your own fucking life.

Food for dangerous thought : "I don't like the way George Bush says he's going to iraq in the name of god . Because those mats will probably come back bombing us in the name of allah!"
- A7X

Just when you thought everything was going right , things had to screw up on you. It's fun right. I truly understand what actually happened. But I think , I choose not to be affected by it. It couldn't have been helped. What I have done , I already done. What do you actually want ? I have no idea. Since you claim it isn't me , then it shall not be me. It is these words you said yourself.

I just realised , I have this gift from whoever it is. I can actually choose to sustain a conversation or just choose to fuck it up. I don't know.. Maybe it's just me , maybe it isn't. But all I know is that I have been manipulating conversations with many other people.If I don't feel like talking , nothing anyone is going to do to me will help. That's something that I have realised.

Working till 12 tonight and as usual , 1 more hour to go and I'm feeling uber bored already. I shall just go clean comps for the next hour and then take a cab home which is going to eat into my pay. ARGH. Irritated. I'm having an uber bitch fit now. So if you don't mind .. Thanks..

Oh yes! I just remembered.. I'm selling Zippo lighters. Jack Daniels Zippo. Original. Comes with the cert , warrenty and box. $35 each. Sms at 90667411. Earliest by Friday. Thanks. :)

Hahaha! My band came in first for the school competition! Lololol. Some stupid side project came out first. $50 HMV voucher to spend. Since it was a side project , we combined 2 bands together. Couldn't split the voucher $10 each since we had 6 members in the band. Decided on each band getting a CD. We didn't really expect to get first since we didn't really did well. Just the usual , above average kind of performance.

I personally thought this soloist doing a singing item would've gotten first. His voice was fucking good. Lol. Turn out he got second and we got first. Hmm... Maybe we're just good la. Got to admit. LOL. National Day been the same old boring shit. Work work work. Want to go see fireworks , no one see with or working. Fuck. Every year also like that. Last year manage to see abit. See by reflection. 2 years ago , didn't see shit. This year ? Only see once during the preview or practice or something like that. Damn lame la.

At work now , and I'm damn bored! Maybe I should just go find something to do. Read the online newspaper or something. Lololol.. Bye for now..

Did you know that the only birds that can swim but can't fly are the penguins ? No. I'm sure you didn't know that till you read it here. Stop lying you dumb fuck. You don't know. Stop lying to yourself. Sighs. It's getting boring at work already. I've been here since 1+ 2. How hardworking can I get ? Updated most of the computers already , except for the ocasional few where I don't get the chance to. Those fuckers keep hogging to the coms. Fucking idiots.

I wish I could be , every little thing you wanted. Siighs. I'm going back to being emo lil thoxay. I think , life would've gone much better without me around. Hah. :/ No one will ever understand me. Why ? Because I don't even understand myself. I'm not sure either. Being emo , makes me very hot tempered. I almost get into fights almost every other day. Either with people I know , or don't know. Sighs..

She's been telling me to go home. But home is as boring as hell. Quarreling is occuring every moment spent in there. How can I go home ? Step into that place... Filled with quarrels.. It's getting boring and irritating already. I think I'm giving up home on everything I once hoped for. Everything I once worked for , I think I'm giving it all up. I just want to get high again. and again. and again. I hate my life. I don't want to remember anything. It's not worth it at all. It sucks.

Ok.. Things are all pretty much fucked up over here at work. Thanks Josh. ;) I could've gone home at like 11.30 - 11.45 on a bike , saving money on my cab fare , sleeping early for school and stuff. But no! You had to fuck it up! You slut! :P . You had to kena caught. You fucking suay like a bitch you know ? But what can I say.. Bo pian liao la. Things come until this extend , I can't blame you. No one can. Only you can blame yourself.. *Hints* Are you feeling guilty enough ? If you're reading this , you better be feeling guilty. Cause you still owe me half a pack and $10 for my cab home.

Ok . What has actually happened ? This fucker as above , took an ez link to buy cigarettes , making US get into a whole load of trouble. Why am I pissed ? Would YOU be pissed if you got fucked for something you didn't do ? And you weren't working on that day ?! You bitch ass Joshua.

Ok.. Things in school went pretty alright today. Sound check and full dress rehersal for the Monday's finals. Other bands were kind of lousy. :P . I think , VDTD and Caracrap were the best there. Though there was this soloist who was kinda good. Hmmm.... Let's just see the results on Monday. Anyway , there will be no losers , so it'll just be more of an experience kind of thing.. Outsiders aren't allowed in. How stupid is this ? They are charging for the fucking entrance and they don't fucking allow outsiders to go in. They claim they need funds for the stupid SAV but don't allow outsiders where we can get a whole lot more of people in. Stupid dumbasses.

I'm so bored. Someone entertain me ? :/.. Ok , I think for now , I shall just leave quietly.

Getting high , waking up feeling suicidal to a bed filled with blood is scary. How do I know ? Cause it just happened a few days ago and I did not have the time to update. What actually happened ? I can't remember. I was a goner. Doing things and I couldn't remember.

How did I get so suicidal again ? I don't know either. All I know is I desprately wanted to die that very night. Sighs. Until today , I'm still feeling very fucked. But I know , I won't do anything stupid when I'm not high. But getting high has became a habit and I think I'm addicted to it already. What should I do now ?

You promised me , you'll wait for me. You asked me to choose. Either 15 or you. Promise you I won't touch it and you'll be with me. But no. I'm not promising you that because I don't want to break any promises. But you know , I think I'm falling in love with you. :/ . I'm sorry.