Love can sometimes be magic . But magic sometimes can be illusions. I'm sorry I waited for your call. All I wanted to do was to cheer you up. And see you happy But that didn't happen. Instead all I got was nothing.

Been a long while since I updated. Things are going on a rough edge right now but it'll soon get better I suppose.No , I'm hoping. Because I swear I wasn't on drugs and haven't been on drugs. I've fucking stopped taking them like weeks ago. Why won't anyone believe me ? I haven't broken that promiise that I have stopped taking drugs from the time I made it. But why won't anyone believe me.

I was fucking drunk and my friend took my phone. Please believe me. I really am on the verge of breaking down. Sinking into depression day by day. I don't give a fucking damn if you're a drinker and know that your phone is ringing when you're drunk. Prove it to me then. Have more then a litre of Martell in you. Then I'll call you. Plus the fact that you have friends who are worried that you'll lost your phone and keep it for you and not answer the phone. It isn't their fault. Because I would be afraid to call someone and tell them you're drunk on behalf of my friend. I don't blame anyone but YOU for not understanding me.

YOU had a choice to come down or not. I fucking invited you that night. Don't say I didn't. Because I did. I swear this is really causing much more hurt then I have expected. The words you said are all like knives stabbing through me. Let's hope it gets settled soon enough. I love you. But as much as I love you , I hate your guts for not trusting me. You took for granted all the times I never let you down.

Sighs :/ . Everything is screwing up in my life right now and I'm hoping it'll get better each day. Don't take to heart what has happened right now my little one. He has just gone to a better place to dwell. A place filled with joy and no suffering to endure. When will I be going , I don't know :( . But for now , my heart is with you and has always been with you. ilu. :)

Worst birthday ever. How true can it get ? I don't know. Celebrated on Friday night. Friday was the only night that things went okay I suppose . Marina south first then Kbox at Marina square. And I guess the only reason it came out okay was cause I was drinking like a hero and got drunk by 1.30. Couldn't wake up till 6+ am. Stayed around then went home at around 2. Slept for awhile and left the house at about 6+ or 7+.

Back to Marina square we all came. Started off with only Me and Chris planning where to go. But ah lee couldn't come down and thus , we had to cover night shift as well. Ended up with me , ger , jamie , josh , ezra , gab , chris . I think that's about it. Thinking about some stuff then selwyn got emo on his birthday. Then shit happened. So the tension was already in the air. :/ . Anyway , we played and talk nonsense till about 12pm+ then left for zac's house for lunch.

After zac's house , was me going home supposedlly for my birthday dinner. But things didn't go exactly right again this time. but still thanks to my bro and his gf for getting me that cheese cake. I'm sorry I didn't even bother wishing before blowing out the candles because to me right now , wishes don't come true. Lots of screw ups on my birthday but things could've been betteer. Sighs. emo emo emo.

Hmm.. Okay. I know I shouldn't have gone for science pract. :/ . Broke 3 test tubes , kena made fun by the fucking teacher and I think I'll flunk chem pract anyways. zzz... Lesson learnt ? Learn to read the instructions CAREFULLY! Because , they asked me to heat this stupid thing and then add distilled water. So , I didn't let it cool because I didn't read carefully and just poured the distilled water in. The fucken test tube broke ! All the fucking solutions splashed out and burnt me :( . Ok . Nvm. Redo. Then want to wash test tube the fucking thing break again. Fucking fed up . Redo again. Then I forgot to use the test tube holder to hold the test tube while heating and then fucking burnt my hand again -.- .

So that was the first part about breaking test tubes and burning my hand. Then the second part. My fucking chem teacher decided that she should start being a bitch to me again. They asked me to add 5cm of water . But I didn't know how much is that. So i used the measuring cylinder la ? Then she say damn loud. "EH SELWYN! THAT ONE IS FOR YOUR PHYSICS PRACTICAL! WHY YOU USE FOR CHEM" Wah. The whole fucking class laughed at me la. Argh :(

Nvm. It's over anyway. Hah! I'm celebrating my birthday tomorrow at Marina South. Time isn't confirmed yet. Got to wait for my darling ah ger to be free right ? Hahahahaha.. Anything call my hp to confirm what time and where to meet. If you don't have my hp number , I'm sure you can find it :D

Hah... I officially have taken 3 prelim papers this week and I think I have officially screwed up like all of them. Maths was a horror. I always loved maths but hated the results. I guess it will be the same for this prelims. Sighs.. How bad can my life go. Then was Geog and Physics paper 2 today. I don't know if I screwed up for geog but I guess I most probably did. No matter how much I always wrote , it didn't matter. I would always end up with a single digit mark and fail.

I wonder where I got all the determination from. Hah. Always single digit marks but yet keep trying again. And physics paper 2 section a wasn't that bad. Answering the questions was a breeze but then again , I might have made alot of stupid mistakes :/

Science practicals tomorrow. Don't know if I should go for them. Ah... End of this week is the time where I celebrate my birthday. Haha.. Oh yes. We're not celebrating at green anymore. We're going over to Marina South for steam boat. :D.. I think that's all for now.. I think I should be off to do some studies

Sighs.. Been such a long time since I last updated but I realise that everytime I update something new , it's always very emo. :/ . I've been an emo bast again. Haha.. Don't ask why. I don't know either. I'm just feeling very depressed. Maybe what Laura says is true. If I'm feeling emo over nothing , I really need to see a doctor =/ . Argh!

Prelims starting on Monday and i don't think I'm prepared for it. I guess I pretty much fucked up the whole of this year. I don't know... Is it too late to start studying now ? I really don't know. All I really know is that I don't want to fuck this year up and repeate or end up in ITE.

I'm always telling myself to look forward to a better tomorrow. Fact is , tomorrow always turns out worst than before. I have never felt so fucked up before. Not in my entire 16+ years of my life. Yesterday was the worst. Sighs... I guess I really am on the verge of breaking down.. But for now , I'm quitting drugs.

I won't deny that I don't know what's happening to you. But who would know what's happening to you if you don't tell them anything ? I've been trying ever since god know when to understand you. But what is happening. I'm getting nothing. You have always claimed you do not know who it actually is. But tell me , deep down inside you already know. Tell me I'm right.

I'm sick and tired of trying for everything. Because nothing has been going right. It's always either me screwing up or someone else screwing up. It seriously is getting fucking irritating and I'm starting to get pissed off about everything. Hah. Was talking to Matt earlier on and he asked me what I want to do on my birthday. Started thinking again... What do I actually want to do on my birthday ? Who's going to spend it with me ? Will it be as special as the other 16 birthdays I had ? Or will it just be the worst.

Something in me tells me it's going to be the most fucked up birthday ever. Why ? I have no idea. It's just a feeling. Birthday in 2 weeks time with no plans , no cash and no friends at the moment. Haha. How stupid. Maybe , it's true. So what if it's my birthday ? It's just going to happen every year and after awhile , it loses it's meaning. The day I was born is the day trouble started appearing everywhere in my family.